The day I've been waiting for finally arrived. I woke up at 8 AM and drove to get coffee. Because you can't binge watch Gilmore Girls without a cup of coffee. (Or eating your weight in junk food. Thank you, leftover pecan pie.) Anyway, for six hours, I sat nestled in bed and escaped to the town I love. I laughed. I cried. And, in short, ultimately felt better about not having my life together, and a bit inspired to take up stress tap dancing.
I am thankful for kindness. I am thankful for friendships with people who are the greatest cheerleaders. I am thankful for nearly six years at a company that taught me more than I could have ever imagined. It was the biggest blessing. I am thankful for my passion in work and love and relationships. I am thankful for family nights and watching my little cousins grow up with their grins and silliness. I am thankful for hot baths. I am thankful for tea, whether it's a black iced tea from Dutch Brothers or a peppermint tea heated in the microwave. I am thankful for the most supportive mother a girl could ask for. I am thankful for supportive co-workers and bosses. I am thankful for people who accept me as I am and see me as I want to be seen. At least, closer than before. I am thankful for those who treat me like I am worth it. I am thankful that we had any time together. I am thankful for each season. For each person who was a part of it, the good, bad, and in-between. I am thankful for the lessons, the tears, the smiles, the anxiety, the deep breathes, for feeling alive. I am thankful for badass women. I am thankful for men who support them. I am thankful for family. I am thankful for this life and the opportunity to live it. I am thankful.
"i dare you to be what you want to be
to let the art in your heart out
to let the song of your soul play loud
to be alive
to never settle
to find what you're looking for
to chase the clouds and the light and your dreams
i dare you to come alive."
words found on pinterest
Thoughts on this day: Today felt like breaking up with a boyfriend. I'm working through not feeling worthless after feeling like the past 10 years have been a story of being taken for granted. Yes, I'm full of emotions. But I'm healing. I'm rediscovering myself. I'm starting over.
I'm in bed, the room full of muted light. Sleeping at Last is playing through wireless headphones while I sit curled in bed after soaking in a hot bath. It helped. A little. This week has been heavy. It's been numbing. I've been silent about what's happened since yesterday afternoon—when I started to calmly express how I was feeling to a male family member. Continue reading >
I started The Owl Diary when I was in college. I was still living at home and I often felt inspired by the world around me. Life wasn't easy, but I found happiness and beauty in most days. Shortly after I graduated college, I moved to Tennessee with my parents. I lived there for four months before moving back to Arizona for my first grown up job. Somewhere during that time I stopped blogging. It was the first time "on my own" and it was the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I'm going to call that Chapter Two. And somewhere in chapter two I started blogging again—though not nearly as much as I did in college.
Now I'm here and I'm less than a week away from Chapter Three. Yes, I'm happy and excited and a tad scare to announce that I'm moving on from the second chapter of my life captured in The Owl Diary. A period of my life where I worked for a small startup just one month shy of six years. Where I struggled through being away from my parents. Where the pain of my teenage years caught up to me. Where I fell in love. And where that same love disfigured me into something I didn't recognize (see Song for Zula lyrics). Where I found myself depressed and anxious and afraid most days. But where I grew up a little and found my confidence and slowly discovered my worth.
Chapter Three starts with taking a leap of faith. It starts with sticking up for myself and my life. It starts with moving forward. It starts with accepting myself and my decisions. And biggest of all, it starts with walking away from a comfortable job that makes me unhappy. (Note: I wholly regret not recording my time there, which could be turned into a novel with all the ups, downs, and in betweens. My God, did I learn a lot. About people and business and myself. Maybe one day I'll share more.)
Anyway, I don't have another job lined up. At this moment I don't know if I'll be staying in Arizona or moving to Tennessee. I'm interviewing with a company located in Phoenix that could be a great opportunity. If all goes well, I'll stay here. If not, I'm packing up my things and moving across the country.
Quitting my job may be the craziest decision I've made in my life. A life where, for the most part, I've played it safe. Where I've constantly worried about making mistakes. But if this turns out to be a mistake—& if I end up wasting away years of savings—then so be it. At least I tried. For better or for worse, I'm proud of myself for taking this chance.
Here's to f***ing chapter three, ladies & gentleman. I think it's going to be a good one.