As a believer in Christ, my greatest battle has always been taking the time to pick up my Bible and read God's word. Talking to God hasn't been the issue. It's listening. For the past few years I had been struggling with what to do with myself. Where should my focus be, what dreams should I be chasing, and how do I deal with all my faults and sins, both current and in the past?
Tired of not knowing what to do and sick of struggling, I'm finally trying. After work, I pack my Fossil bag with colored pens, Macbook, Bible, Moleskine and headphones. I drive to Starbucks where I spend a few hours reading, highlighting, noting in margins, writing, meditating, pausing, reflecting. Being still and listening. & Each day picks up where I left off the previous day. It's a continuous conversation with God. And I'm amazed at all He's teaching me.
I've never fit into the characteristic of one who was raised in the church. There are basic things that I'm just now beginning to understand. At the same time, I'm always amazed by the words that have stuck with me. The words God has written on my heart. The messages that have been with me since I was a child. The promises that still remain. He's faithful.
When I was fifteen I started pursuing God. I was on a God "high" for the remainder of my teenage years. But once I hit my twenties I fell, and I fell hard. Every experience caught up with me to the point where I just didn't know what to do with myself. And I'm realizing if I had just taken the time to open my Bible and listen, all the words I needed to hear were there all along.
There's no escaping sin. And I need to stop carrying all these things that have worn me down. Slowly, I'm giving them to God, who has already carried that sin to the cross where He faced death. So why am I holding onto it? The price was already paid. It is finished. Let go, breathe and stop worrying about it all. Everything. Past, present, future. Stop focusing on you, and who you want to become.
The only thing you need to do is focus on God. Stop justifying your faults. Just release them. Every time I've done this, I've learned over and over: God knows me more than I know myself. His timing is perfect, far exceeding my own. His plans for my life are better than anything I could begin to dream or create. I just want Him to consume me. Every fiber of my being. I want less of me and more of you, Lord.
"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." Psalm 139:23