I attended a work bridal shower at lunch the other day. We were all standing around and chatting. At one point, four of us started having a conversation about relationships. One girl talked about how sometimes she feels it's easier to just be single—and boy, can I relate. She went on to say how each stage of our life—whether it's being single, dating, or marriage—requires something different from us. & We learn about ourselves in each of these stages.
But the main thing that really resonated with me was her statement on how relationships expose the ugly parts of ourselves. The parts of our heart that we're not proud of. The parts we weren't fully aware were there.
I am dating someone who has previously been married and he has a seven-year-old son. In that, I'm discovering insecurities + ugly bits about myself. Truthfully, for the past several years I've thought that I'm pretty good with kids. But now, I'm not so sure. I often find myself feeling selfish and not knowing how to react in these situations with his son:
- When it takes forever to agree on a restaurant because his picky eating habits.
- When I'm mocked repeatedly.
- When it feels like everything I say is negated. For example, "I like this." And the response is, "I don't like that." Or, "That's so pretty." And the response, "Not it's not."
- When I plan and plan for fun activities, and he's not into it.
I hate that I react with disappointment or hurt feelings to these things. And I just... don't know yet how to deal. I'm learning. Are my feelings justified sometimes? Am I overreacting? Is he just a little boy that doesn't like his dad being with someone who isn't his mom? Oy.
& Since we're being honest, I'm also learning:
- How to not be insecure when your boyfriend was with one person for 10 years.
- How to be aware of my "triggers"—which I've developed as a result of past relationships. Specifically the last relationship.
- How to not jump to conclusions based on those triggers.
Those are just a few things. But my point with this post? Relationships are hard—even when they're good.