Sitting at the dining room table, eating my Whole30-compliant lunch—asparagus, scrambled eggs and a few cherry tomatoes—and reading my Bible, something I haven’t been doing much of lately. Letting this morning’s message file the pages of my Moleskine, feeling like God needed me to hear that message today. That I needed to be at church and it was my family who got me there. My aunt and uncle recently moved into a new house that’s a mile away from the church I attend—that is, when I attend church. My uncle has a firefighter friend who also attends the church, and my cousin and her husband were down for the weekend from up North. So we all went as a family.
The message was about wandering and how God is more concerned that you arrive prepared than you arrive quickly. We’re always rushing through life. We want everything faster. The quickest route to get us from point A to point B. We don’t like waiting. The message started in Numbers 11:4—up until this point the Israelites set out on a journey from Mount Sinai to Kadesh-barnea, a journey that was to take 11 days, God leading the way. They were to take possession of the land God had promised them, but they didn't believe they could take over the inhabitants of the land, even though God told them they could. So God led them south and they spent 40 years in the wilderness. All because many chose to whine, instead of worship. They chose fear over faith. And they chose lingering over learning. So they ended up in the space between where they started and where they wanted to be.
Many of us find ourselves in that same place, whether it’s the space between graduating college and finding that first job. The space between losing a job and getting hired. Or, like me, the space between saying a prayer and God answering. I’m wandering. I’ve been fearful, scared, unsure of where I’m at. I’ve felt lost. But you know what’s awesome about being in this space? It’s where God tests our character, it’s where He does His best work. It’s where He grows us and teaches us and calls us to trust Him. And no, He’s not rushing. Why? Because God is more concerned that we arrive prepared than we arrive quickly.
Sitting at my chair, writing, I broke down and I felt God for the first time in a long time. I am nothing. And it always baffles me how He could love a thing like me. Someone who struggles and questions Him after He’s proved time and time again that He will never leave me. That He has things worked out. He’s always taken care of me and my family. Always, in the most miraculous ways. I have no reason to be afraid.
Anyway, I just wanted say that I’m hopeful and I’ve accepted that God has me where He wants me. That He won’t leave me here. He has time. And, I'm trusting, so do I.