“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."
I think I'm somehow miraculously coming into my own. The past week feels like I'm on the brink of something life altering. Like I've found something that makes me want to work hard, better myself, learn. I forgot how much I truly love to learn. Instead of sitting around binge watching TV. This thing is right in front of me. A path I've stumbled upon and all I have to do is keep taking steps down this path. I'm starting to feel inspired again--in a way I haven't felt since college when I still felt like a little girl who dreamt of things like designing a pretty crown and running off to a forest just in time for the wild rumpus to start.
There is so much to be done. So much to discover. About myself and the things I want to create. There's nothing I can't do. Before it seemed like this big scary thing, you know? It's silly how scary things can be. But I'm starting to accept that I am capable. I'm starting to believe in myself again. Which you'd think is absurd if you had only been in my head this past Friday or Saturday night. The latter being when I stayed up to the early hours in the morning, feeling like depression was suffocating the air out of my lungs.
Alas, I'm in that familiar place where life seems messy and sad, but beautiful and hopeful at the same time.